sem presentes neste natal...
sem a menor vontade de ganhar presentes
não quero mais nada na verdade...
não porque eu já tenha tudo
é mais por tanto querer e nunca conseguir
chega uma hora em que você desiste de sonhar...
pra que se dar ao trabalho de sonhar com alguma coisa que você sabe que nunca vai se concretizar?
*
i want to save lifes, i want to travel around the world, i want to be something [not just the stupid me that brings nothing but sadness everywhere she goes]...
if i'm not getting any of these for christmas...
i don't want anything else
and suddenly... i don't care anymore...
life has become so predictable, so full of routines that make me so sick... that all i can be is scared... scared that it might change into something that is hundreds of times worse
*
i'd be a fool to believe that when i was younger, things were so different
all i could do was watch people i loved dying, getting cancer, entering profound depression or losing their jobs
i was so caged into this world and all i could do was to be scared, so scared that some of those things could happen to my mom or my little sister
but at those times i still had grandma's kisses and delicious cookies, a christmas tree full of presents bought with the last pennies my parents had, i had decorating the turkey with Mrs. Rossi and playing with my Barbies like nothing was happenning around
*
now i have cranky faces all around
no grandma to be so proud just because you're doing so great at school or to bake your favorite cake
no cool presents that could make you happy even if for just a little while
no cousins to almost break all the plates and destroy the decoration...
all i have now is the tv on, comments that disgust me, a loud voice made for showing everyone who's the boss, some alone time with my ipod...
and my mom crying... nothing in the world can break my heart like that does...
I HATE CHRISTMAS
